Can anyone stand with The Wood?
By Jacob 'The Stank' Stanley
The Absorbancy Press
Carver Court - The season started off with a bang for the California
Redwood. Against an overmatched, and out-classed Trophy Wife team, the Wood took a 113-91.3 win in stride.
With quarterback Donovan McNabb (pictured below) hitting career highs in passing
yards and touchdown passes, the Wood seem to be the team to beat in the THAMMFL. We all know about his loaded roster
and unconventional coach, but what you didn't know won't hurt you...you can't hurt if you don't know..... Sorry,
we still have Bush blood in the family tree.
With an upcoming game against the visiting ELECTRIC COMPANY, Coach Nash was rumored
to be unphased. We could not reach him for comment, however Coach CJ Reed of THE ELECTRIC COMPANY was reached, and speak
he did! "We'll chop the Redwood down this week, then we'll chop that coaches' Red wood," declared a ferocious,
and drooling Coach Reed. There seems to be a personal feud between the two coaches, but it will be up to the players
to hash this out on the field this weekend. Coach Reed added, "There isn't much I know about football, but I know alot
about leading men into battle. The first thing we'll do is send a swarm of players to knock out that fucking coach,
then we'll start poisoning the players with small doses of cobra venom." After the interview Coach Reed threatened me,
but I put him in the Stinky Slime Choke Hold and he passed out very quickly. Nobody, and I mean nobody can stand up
to that, not even The Wood.
